Talking Babies with Babies

I've very close to my younger sister's three kiddos. We all lived together for years when her youngest boy, Losh, was born. He was premature (all three of her kids were) and has severe medical problems. He has a trach and a feeding tube. Until the last couple of years, he was on a ventilator. He spent most of his first several years in the hospital. He's had 23 surgeries and has overcome so many obstacles. More than that though, he's just this amazing little boy with a big heart. He loves everyone and hasn't met a person yet who didn't fall in love with him, too.

Whenever possible, I try to bring him, his older brother or little sister over for the weekend. They love coming to my house, and SS and I love having them here. We have so much fun, and it's just beautiful to have childish laughter filling the house for a few days.

This time, it was Aloshua's turn to come spend the weekend. He's been so excited since I told him I'd come and get him for the weekend. When I got there Friday to get him, he had his bags packed and waiting for me at the front door. He finally learned to talk when he was six, and he's rarely ever quiet. He just chatters away all day, every day.

On the way home, he told me he was going to have 100 kids and drive 10 school buses to take them wherever they wanted to go. He also plans to let them name themselves. He's developmentally delayed and doesn't really understand how babies are made or how much work 100 kids would be, but whatever. He's happy at the thought of having 100 babies, so I played along.

During this discussion, he paused for a moment and asked why I didn't have any kids. Before I could figure out a way to tell him that SS and I haven't been able to have kids, but we are trying, he said, "I know! You have me and Abby and Kai, right?"

That made me smile because a couple of weeks ago, his little sister said the same thing when I asked her if it was okay if me and SS had a baby. She's a total diva and was pretty dang upset when my older sister had her baby in November of 2012. She refused to let me call Rose a princess because that's what I call her. So Rose is the Flower Child, and Abby is the princess. She's also very much SS's little partner in crime. She just loves him to death and he's crazy about her. With that being the case, I figured I should probably give her time to get used to the fact that SS and I want to have a baby. Surprisingly, she was okay with it... until I asked her if she wanted a boy or girl cousin, anyway. She thought about it, then said, "Neither. You have an Abby, a Losh, and a Kai already!"

I love how innocent they are and how they just know they're our kids too. It's sweet to know you're that important to a tiny person. Kai is only nine months older than Losh, but he understands much more than Losh. He and I are also really close. He's been my partner in crime since he was born. I was the first person he laughed for. He's also sensitive like I was when I was a kid, so we just meshed right away. 

When I let him know SS and I wanted to have a baby, he had two question. Would he have to change diapers. And could he still come and spend the night. Of course I said no to the first and yes to the second. The kid has never changed a diaper in his life, and there's no way I'd banish them from coming over when we have kids of our own, because they are such an important part of our lives.

We don't have bio kids, but we do have these amazing nieces and nephews we've been fortunate to spend time with since they were born. In reality, I have no idea how they will feel when SS and I have kiddos of our own, but it's such a great feeling to know they're not opposed to the idea. It's an even greater feeling to know that they don't question whether they're important to us or not. To them, we don't have babies of our own because we have them and that's basically the same thing.

I love that they feel that way. I really do. God knows, having them around has made infertility more tolerable. It's still devastating, but knowing I've been able to make a difference for a few very special kiddos and have been such an important part of their lives is a beautiful thing.

Everyone keeps asking if we're nervous at all about having babies. I'm not nervous. I'm scared of having a miscarriage, or of going into labor prematurely, but as far as having kids? I'm not nervous at all, and SS isn't particularly nervous either. We are ready in every sense of the word. Hanging out with Abby, Losh, and Kai the past few weeks has reconfirmed that in such a lovely way.

Despite this long, crazy journey, I don't think I've ever been more ready to have a baby than I am right now. That is so exciting to me!

xoxo,
Ayden