*Huge sigh of relief*

And we have lift off! Last night around 7pm AF made her much needed appearance. I'm on CD#2 and though a little crampy from the long wait, very happy to see progress. I've started charting and DD is also aware of said progress. I can't wait to start trying! Ayden and I are only 4 or 5 days apart with AF so we can endure that awful 2ww together. Its so great to have this kind of support.

Not only is AF here, but finances are starting to look much better too. MUCH better. I'll have a car in about 2 weeks and then employment can be once again acquired. Its time to start updating that resume! I had to whammo stress relievers occur in the same day, I'm still waiting for the catch. Hopefully there isn't one, but that doesn't keep me from keeping my eyes open. Bad habit, I know.

I know this probably sounds extremely silly, but taking a netflix binge in of my favorite teen drama has really been a comfort. Go ahead and laugh, but Dawson's Creek was a religion for me back in the day. Its just a reminder of how simple life was, and how powerful dreaming is. I forgot to dream for a very long time. Its not the adorably over thought adolescent dialogue, its just the trip back in time to who I was during that part of my life. I guess I'm trying to be kinder to myself and give myself license for a do over. Not just in TTC, but in dreaming about my life as a whole.

One thing I have to say to those who are on a similar journey: don't stop dreaming. Don't give up what your heart desires more than anything because some might think you're crazy for doing it. Also, don't make it a job. Yes, I'm utilizing DD, but because I chose a trusted friend I'm able to have more fun in the process. I'm not even speaking of the physical, I'm speaking of feeling more laid back and comfortable in my choice a little freer to let go of worry. There is no part of ttc with PCOS that isn't at least a little stressful. I'm going into my 3^rd act and who knows how much longer I have before my fertility as it already stands gets even worse. I can't worry about that. I have to just go with my hearts desires and try. If I don't try I'll never know.

I'm not sure how many other single ttc moms are out there reading this, but I know someone who needs it is going to see it. Don't let them break you. Don't let the judgment count more than the support system you have. If its only one person who supports you, then that one outweighs however many naysayers you encounter. If your heart desires to be a mom, do it. Nobody gets a vote. You and you alone are going to support and care for your child, so your opinion of your own decisions is all that matters. Its all you can allow to matter.

I've found that my closest friends are even more amazing than I anticipated about this. I also have found that some aren't as OK with it as they once let on. That is perfectly OK with me. Typically those who judge you are just terrified that anyone could be that brave. They are scared of anyone who thinks for themselves. Think for yourself on this one. Its your body, your baby. Don't let saboteurs get the best of you. I actually came to realize one that I thought was of my most supportive was trying to undo things behind my back with part of this process. I was mad for all of 3 seconds and realized they failed. My independence is too strong for them to fathom. I have so many standing tall beside me, that person's feeble attempts to keep me below themselves doesn't matter.