Sunday, January 5, 2014

Choices, fears, and dreams

I've been told that “you're so strong for doing this alone”, “I don't know how you're going to handle this by yourself”, “I can't imagine going through this alone, what you're doing is amazing”. The true story here, I'm terrified. I'm terrified of finding out I missed my chance, I'm terrified of getting pregnant and not staying that way. I've miscarried twice in the past. Both times within the first 5 or 6 weeks. I'm terrified of all the what ifs and hows and whys. More than anything I'm terrified of going through all of this, and ending up a crazy cat lady. I'm not terrified of doing it alone though. I have some of the best friends and family that anyone in my situation could ask for. The support from people I didn't even think would care has been just absolutely life affirming.

I know there are still people out there who have so much doubt in me. I've not been the most successful human up to this point. I've tried things and failed more times than I care to think about. The cool thing about me though, I always regroup and try again. Always. Its hard enough to keep my own self doubt at bay, I'm done worrying about anyone else's opinion of what I choose to do in my life. I'm choosing happiness.

I made my choice to be a single mom. I have also made my choice to do so with the help of a natural donor. I thought long and hard about my options, and how my heart felt about each one. I had even single mother community members try to sway me away from the NI method, but I think thats mostly because those particular people frown upon others doing things differently from themselves. Also, if you are considering this route for yourself; theres a lot of legalities involved that you have to consider the risks of. I've known him for 3 years and I've never seen him be less than honest. For the sake of simplifying things, from here on out he'll be referred to as DD for “donor dad”.

DD and I have been talking a lot today and I feel like I made the right decision on going with one that I'm familiar with. I've turned into a very modest person over the last few years. I'm just not comfortable with my DD being someone I've only known a few days or even a few weeks. I'm even less comfortable with the men who were willing to submit their donations. For a moment there I started questioning my sexual preference. Just... ew...

Thanks to Obamacare I actually will have insurance sometime in the next month, so I'm looking forward to really getting started. Insurance does not cover fertility treatments, but it will allow me normal obgyn visits more often so I can find a referral to a good RE in the area. I'm hoping I can get this kick started beforehand, but if not they can find me something to force AF to make her not so graceful entrance. I can't do anything until then.

What Ayden said! Waiting is the absolute worst! Right now I'm waiting on AF, waiting on some meds, waiting on a vehicle, waiting on school money to come in so I can get the car, waiting on tax time. I'm just waiting. I feel like my herbals are helping make me feel like AF might be on her way, but I'm not sure. I certainly can't start trying until AF gets here, and with PCOS its so hard to know when that is. I had it under control for a few years, then I gained some weight back and its been a little later each time the last few cycles, and now its been gone for months. I really hope this metformin helps. I even thought I might be pregnant for a while there just because I'd been regular or so close to regular for so long and then nothing. Nope. No such luck. Stupid PCOS. I've explained the complicated process to DD and he's all in.

I'm such a nerd. I even already bought one boy and one girl outfit to add to my small stash of baby things. It just helps give me hope. I look at those little jumpers and it reminds me on the bad days of how much I want this and why I'm doing what I'm doing. I don't even care if all these fertility aides give me twins or more. I'd be over the moon. I have to be realistic in knowing that because of the complicated details of PCOS, I may wind up with a child born early or with issues. Obviously I'd prefer for my baby's sake that everything is normal and healthy, but even if I do wind up with a child with special needs; there will be no end to my love. I already love my children, I just need to hold their tiny, warm, soft little body in my arms finally.

For the record, I do hope this post makes sense! HAHA!

Love,
Jayme



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