Do I get karma points for this?

This waiting game is getting old. I'm on provera day 4, still nothing. I don't know how long its supposed to take for this stuff to work. I've heard some women say it works during the 10 day cycle that you take it, others say it takes several days after you're done with the last pill. I just know I'm ready to start REALLY trying and I'm getting annoyed with my body. I know not stressing seems like the answer, but that is super hard when the one thing that needs to happen just isn't happening. Ayden, DD, and my other friends are keeping me positive. I'm not asking for much here, at least I don't think I am. Everyone who it works for talks about how bad it made them feel, but I'm not feeling any difference at all. I know losing weight is going to help. I'm trying to get my head in the right place for it. Stress isn't going to help with that either though. Hell stress is what makes me want to eat and do nothing.

I'm about done with my first term in school. So far I'm ending the term with A's, we'll keep seeing what happens. As long as I pass I'll be fine. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself about it. I'm just doing the best I can and working my butt off. I'm just ready to move onto some classes that have more substance to them.

Still waiting on school money, waiting on my other W2's for taxes. I'll have a car soon and then I can really get this stuff under way. I'm also waiting on medicaid to come through. I hope to be able to upgrade to actual insurance in the coming months, but for the moment that'll be a huge help. I'll have more than enough money to get a car and last til I find a job I just need things to hurry up! This waiting game better rack me up some major karma points, cus I'm playing against my will.

I feel like my frustration with all this is making me the hardest person to have a conversation with. I'm tired of hearing it myself, I'm sure my friends have about had it. I'm getting equally as disgusted with myself for not being more proactive with my weight. I have a habit of getting just all around discouraged with it and giving up. I gotta work on that. I KNOW it'll make a difference. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I guess I'm just tired of fighting it but I know I can't give up or I'll never get anywhere. I gotta get some of this weight off to have a healthy baby. I gotta do it for my baby, even before I have them. I can even continue losing while pregnant as overweight as I am right now, I just have to get myself going again. 

Part of my problem is my living quarters. I really don't have the space, even outside my house. We live on a dead end private drive off of a main road with no sidewalks. Getting a car is going to help in this too! I'm not sure if I'm joining a gym or just hitting the park or both, but dammit I'm doing something! I do know I gotta make the best of what I have right now though (thanks kitty for putting a slow leak in my balance ball btw...)

I know this all sounds like a bunch of ranting. It is. I'm a ball of nerves right now waiting for my body to make sense.